Comparison Is A Monster:
It will bring self doubt:
If you compare you child with others then slowly and steadily self doubt will grow. Being parents,our job is to encourage our child at every step they take, not remind them of who else is ahead.
Jealousy will grow:
Comparison can lead to the cause of having jealousy which inturn can make your child an instable one.
It May damage the parent child relationship:
Child may not understand and see the bigger picture that you people are concerened about your child and can think that you are not at their side.
Your child may grow into jittery and nervous adults:
your child may become focused on pleasing the parents and can feel they are not meeting expectations. They can lose their natural confidence and autonomy.
- Be Specific when Praising
Praise is much more than only saying “Good Boy” or “Good Girl”, be specific about what the praise is for. When you are not specific, they have a hard time understanding exactly what it is they have done well. Instead of saying “Wow, you did a great art work” say “Your choice of red & yellow colour has made this work great”
This way your child will also get to know that you are noticing his/her work, and will encourages him/her to do more.
- Praise the efforts not only results
You can always point out improvement no matter how small e.g. “You really have picked up on your reading…Appreciate”. Highlight their effort “I can see you really tried hard to get it right”
If you are looking for improvement then you need to praise the efforts and don’t need to wait for results to praise. Praising efforts can encourage your child to try hard in the future.Read more.
- Praise must be genuine and sincere
Keep it real: Don’t say, “Good job!” when it’s not. Even young kids can see right through false praise. Praise should reflect the amount of effort the child put in. Earned praise reinforces your child’s effort and is encouraging.
- Praise the process/behaviour rather than the Child
“You’re such a good player” or “You have such a beautiful singing voice.” Be careful with this kind of praise which tends to focus on their inborn strengths/abilities. If he believes he arrived prepackaged with certain abilities, he might think he doesn’t need to improve in those areas.
It’s better to focus on process. In Process-based praise emphasize on what he can control, such as how much time he spends on a project or which strategies he uses.
“I am so impressed at how hard you worked on your science project” is more empowering than “Wow, you’re good at science !”
- Accentuate the Positive
Respond to wanted behaviors of your child more than you punish unwanted behaviors. The key to getting great results is to pay attention to “what’s going right” rather than “what’s going wrong”
Try to eliminate constant negativity around and put the focus on all the wonderful, positive things your children are doing instead. Catch them doing right things and appreciate them immediately.
Praising more highly than what is warranted is known as overpraising.
Modern cause of overpraising-On overpraising in modern parenting culture, Bronson writes: “We put our children in high-pressure environments, seeking out the best schools we can find, then we use the constant praise to soften the intensity of those environments. We expect so much of them, but we hide our expectations behind constant glowing praise.”
So don’t overpraise your child in disguise of praising and loving your kid.